Doing it all. Anything is possible if you want it enough

Wow - reading back on these posts makes me realise how tough last year really was. I thought I was ready to train for IRONMAN again. I thought it would give me purpose and something to focus on. After all it did that back in 2013 after losing Rosie when chasing Kona.  How wrong I was this time round.

Around May last year I made the hard, but right, decision to defer IRONMAN Wales to this year. I needed to give the distance the respect it deserved. If you look at my previous entry 'A turbulent few months' you can see just how much was on my shoulders mentally. Even reading it back brought me to tears remembering the despair I felt. Writing these blog posts are great; not only would it have helped at the time to release my pent up emotions but to look back on it now is interesting.

So how am I now? Well I am not surrounded by the black hole I was then. In fact in relation to the past 7 years I think I am feeling the best I have done. It goes without saying I struggle every day with the losses I have felt, and I do have emotional crashes where I just don't feel me, but these are things I have learned I will forever live with. After all as Winnie the Pooh said, "How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard".

Also in response to my previous blog I have a much better relationship with alcohol. Through a combination of motivation for weight loss, wanting a clear head in the mornings for work and training and some overindulgent nights that left me feeling awful (most notably a friends 30th birthday party in January) I have really cut back. I am no quitter, hell no, but I don't need to have a glass...or bottle, every night. In fact I'm even enjoying a herbal tea in the evening and I have to laugh as Sam and I always called it lesbian tea (no offence to anyone just a joke we had). See, she'll always be there with me making me smile, even in the smallest and silliest ways.

I also am eating spot on and enjoying cooking new fresh and nutritious meals. I have made some fantastic dishes that Nathan my chef husband has applauded and some awful ones he has hated, but thankfully there have only a couple of the latter! You live and learn. (See a small selection below). Eating like this has massively helped my gut, something I have struggled with before. I no longer feel bloated all the time, and my weight is showing that too.

At the time of writing, since 1st January (8 weeks ago) I have lost 22.5lbs (1stone 8.5lbs). I am still some distance from my ideal race weight (after shamefully putting on quite a bit of weight over the last 2 years), but I am focused, determined and feeling a new lease of life for training.

So I thought I would include in this 'first' blog my current lifestyle and what I'm doing to get in the best shape I can when stood on that IRONMAN Wales start line on 6th September. Where I'll be head to toe in a combination of lycra and neoprene on Tenby's North Beach with the Welsh national anthem bringing me to tears for yet another time! My 3rd time in Wales with all the emotions to go with it (if you're new here read this blog and if you want to read even more read this blog and even more than that at read my book) and my 6th IRONMAN.

What is new? Well actually not much. I am still working at Sky News and Sky Sports News as a freelancer. My hours are long; 12 hours, with a range of earlies, days and nights and obviously I have my lovely, crazy twin boys to contend with, who are nearly 3 now (seriously where does the time go?!). I also live and hour and a half down the M3 from work so have nearly 3 hours of travel to add to my days too.

Fitting everything in is tiring, and sometimes I feel there aren't enough hours, nor coffee, in the day but with proper forward planning and A LOT of determination anything is possible. My two favourite quotes to sum this notion up are:

• Failure to prepare is preparing to fail
• Anything is possible if you want it enough

This week is my first proper week of intense training. (I haven't had it easy in January and kept getting ill so lacked any consistency but determined to push on now and not let myself and those watching me down in September). I am on track for a 10h30min training week, and for all those who will understand, that is a full green week on TrainingPeaks which to me is something to celebrate. By the end of the week I will have completed 14 sessions consisting of:

• 2 swims
• 6 bikes (indoors either Peloton or Zwift)
• 3 runs 
• 3 S&C (as well as a short ab & squat workout every day)

My epic tupperware meal collection

I cook all of my meals from scratch and this week will have worked 4 shifts comprising of one night and 3 days. All food is either batch cooked or, my favourite, leftovers from previous dinners. In fact I came to work today with 4 tupperware boxes and snacks as I'll eat every meal at work. This day sounded especially epic but proves that you can do it all!

05:45 Alarm
06:00 - 07:15 Drive to work (has to be said my gym bag was packed and clothes laid out ready to go)
07:30 - 08:00 Spin class
08:15 - 09:15 Peloton class (love these - followed by shower)
10:00 Begin work
15:00 S&C set during lunch
21:00/22:00 Finish work & drive home
23:00 Home and SLEEP

Then...REPEAT. Tired? Yeah me too...haha
(In fact due to wanting a social life on Saturday night I swapped my later start to an early in order to get home earlier. Thus meaning I will have to leave the house at 4:45 to get to work for 06:00. Doesn't leave much room for the sleep I crave but doesn't stop my determination to train around this and also live my life).

I also have a husband kicking around during all of this (even if we are like ships in the night a lot of the time) who also works full time. Neither of us have 'normal' Mon-Fri, 9-5 jobs. However, whenever we do have some time off together there is also the need to get a long run outside each and also of course have some family time.

Recent family time <3

It has to be said that without my parents even being able to work would be impossible as they help around the hours we're not there. The boys go to nursery 3 days a week and when working we can't always take or pick up due to our hours. When I have mine and Nathan's shifts I work a month in advance and sort out what help I need in relation to our hours. Mum sometimes puts them to bed until either Nathan or I get home, or if we're both out of the house in the super early hours (if I am on a Sport Early shift I have to leave at 03:30) then they stay over at hers. My sister also helps out too on the long days when we're both at work. I am extremely grateful and lucky for the support we do have.

I make my training work around my work and in that sense I am super lucky to have a great gym at work, a good set up at home with a turbo and treadmill and a good local gym with a pool 10 minutes away. My freelance work means I do get days in the week when the boys are at nursery to go to the gym or run outside alone and with nursery a short distance away I can also pick the boys up in the buggy sometimes (just waiting for the weather to be on my side!).

Anyway, I just wanted to check in. I shall be updating this a lot more. I am showing more of a presence on social media in relation to my training on Instagram so please take a look (@holliecradduck).

If anyone has any questions or recommendations on what I should write about in my next blog then please let me know. I have already found people are interested in how I do it all so would love to help you. I want to show it is possible to be a mum, have a job, eat well, have fun and train well for an IRONMAN.

Lets just say 2020 is starting well.

See you soon! xx