Returning to where it all began

OK it has been a while since I sat down and blogged. In fact my last blog was on the 25th January 2017, seen in my previous blog 'The Road to Kona'. This detailed my journey to becoming an IRONMAN, which I did in 2013. My journey then took me around the world. I lived in another country (Lanzarote) and raced at The IRONMAN World Championship in Kona, Hawaii. My story (and some hard work writing from myself) then made me a published author with my book; 'Hollie's Road to Kona: A Young Woman's Ironman Mission'.

However, as many will know my story hasn't stemmed from happiness...

When I crossed the IRONMAN finish line in Tenby, Wales in just over 14 hours my euphoria was hit with tragedy. My niece and best friend Rosie had died in her sleep in the early hours of that morning in the Manor House I was sharing with all of my family. I was left completely unawares; my family deciding once they had discovered Rose, to keep it from me in order I could achieve my dream of completing. All the while my parents, who had just lost their first grandchild, had to spectate me knowing my heart would be broken when I finished. Almost like an impending doom.

And yes the doom was horrific. I lay in a bath for hours until I was shivering. But I made a promise that night whilst lying awake as I felt the world falling apart beneath me. A promise to go beyond what I ever saw possible and qualify for the IRONMAN World Championship in Rosie's memory. I did just that in 2014 when I returned to face all the emotions and demons from the previous year, in Tenby. A fitting place to qualify.

During the IRONMAN World Championship in 2015

I struggled with the normality of work after losing Rose, and then moved to Lanzarote (known for its triathlete haven, and similar terrain to Kona) in October 2014 to train full time ready for Kona. Whilst there I raced another IRONMAN and competed for GB at the Long Distance Championship in Sweden. It was also here I met my now husband, Nathan with whom we also have 2 beautiful twin boys; James and Harry, currently 18 months.

My baby boys

Our amazing wedding day

I struggle with Rosie's death daily. Some moments I get the same feeling when I was first told of her death by my mum, when physically exhausted by the car in Tenby. Where I broke down, dropped everything I was holding, and in such disbelief swore, fuck off. A moment I do not remember. The only quote to sum the whole experience is something I took from a grief book called 'On Grief and Grieving': (which I thoroughly recommend to anyone going through the loss of a loved one)

"Everyone experiences many losses throughout life, but the death of a loved one is an unmatched for its emptiness and profound sadness. Your world stops. You know the exact time your loved one died - or the exact moment you were told. It is marked in your mind. Your world takes on a slowness, a surrealness. It seems strange that the clocks in the world continue when your inner clock does not".

However, this is not the story I am telling and not the reason I began blogging again. Of course I will forever mention Rosie's name, she is my motivation and my core reason to keep going and I will miss her for the rest of my life. But I am here to get Hollie back. I want to do an IRONMAN again for me. To get fit again. To feel great about myself mentally and physically. Throughout all the stages of grief the only thing that ever made me feel better was my goal in IRONMAN, the overriding thing being that I strongly believe exercise is the best anti-depressant you can get. This is something I researched in my book, even talking to one of the top doctors with extensive research in the world on this topic.

So this is my comeback. My personal diary into having kids, letting yourself go and then struggling and juggling being a full time working mum while training for an IRONMAN. Oh and my comeback is IRONMAN Wales in 2019. I am facing the dragon and all the emotions that come with it for the 3rd time. I'm going back to where it all began.

I look forward to seeing you all for my next instalment :).

Love Hollie x