Why now?

I suppose the next question is why now? Why have I chosen now to return to IRONMAN? I have young twins (18 months), a full time job (night shifts with a commute to London) and a husband (this latter obviously being the hardest to manage 😂). So why do I need to add training, for what is considered to one of the hardest endurance challenges, to the list?

In a nutshell I need to get my mojo back. IRONMAN despite all the sacrifices (the early mornings and aches) always kept me going mentally and physically. I need a goal to continue training. I never have been one to enjoy a run just for the hell of it. So if I am not training I have no motivation; everything else goes and I tend to eat and drink what and when I want. For someone who does pride themselves on being healthy it is so easy to let yourself go. For example after my boys were born in April 2017 I had a goal to get into my dream wedding dress. Just 8 weeks after a Caesarean section I did the swim and bike legs of the hardest IRONMAN 70.3 out there (1.2 mile swim & a half marathon). I then went on to lose over 2 stone (13kg) and wore my dream dress. Yes I wasn't as light in the pictures as I had dreamed about but I really was happy had a truly amazing day. 

However, I have put nearly all of that weight back on (and I haven't had a stone worth of babies growing inside me!). I have yo-yoed but now 8 months after I said 'I do' I am definitely up. So physically I want to feel comfortable in my own skin. I know I should be happy as I am, after all YOLO (you only live once) eh? But personally I am not where I want to be. I have let myself go, made myself believe constantly it's OK to have that drink (or two...or three..or floor...) because I am happy, however it doesn't always feel like that when waking up the next day (and that's not just the hangover head). 

So I have made myself accountable. I have signed up for THUD Direct. They are a nutrition company who create a personalised meal plan around your training and lifestyle. The nutritionist talks through your life, goals, likes, dislikes, training and makes a plan of all the macronutrients you need. All the meals are written by a Michelin trained chef and then all of the ingredients for each week are delivered to your door at a time that suits you. So as well as telling you what to eat and working all your macronutrients out it, then takes all the stress and time out of food shopping. It's like a personal food shopper but even more! (You also don't have to be doing any form of training necessarily or even have a goal weight, just the desire to eat clean, healthy, nutritious food easily). Oh and it also tracks your larder so it will know when to order the next lot of pasta or spices depending on what you would have previously used - clever eh! (Below is a few images of the food on plan).

Huevos Ranchos

Sesame & Ginger Cod 

Duck, Beetroot and Goats Cheese Salad

Kedgeree

Ginger & Lime Fish Parcels

During my first phone call with Shannon the nutritionist I learnt so much. I was particularly interested in some of my habits. My main one was to try and sustain myself by having breakfast late to bridge the gap between breakfast and lunch (I love eating and am always hungry). This was however most likely completely and utterly useless and in fact counterproductive. In fact I should eat something within an hour of waking up rather than waiting, sometimes up to 3 hours, before touching anything. Even a glass of milk would help. 

The next thing was what I do on my night shifts. I normally hold off eating during the day somewhat and then eat my dinner around 10pm to sustain me to the morning when I normally eat around 4am. My other 'logic' being that eating through the night would mess me up when returning to day lifestyle. Again however, this was the wrong approach. Little and often as is often said being the key. As well as that having soup at 4am as opposed to the oats I would normally have would actually encourage my brain to believe I am eating during the day and trick it to an extent that this is lunch time and awake time, not breakfast time and you have a full day ahead of you. And then finally when getting home from the shift (when I am always hungry but ignore it because sleep will make me forget) a glass of warm milk to help encourage a deep sleep. 

Essentially every day I should eat at least every 4 hours and definitely after a training session (something rarely do). Although I clearly have extra of me, by not fuelling myself right or often enough my body has no idea when it is going to eat and therefore stores fat (don't I know it!).

The month before Christmas may seem like a silly time to start; 'New Year, New Me' is the right time surely? But I actually think it is the best time! The plan we have decided to go with is get my structure and good habits back. I have to go in slowly with my training after my sprained ankle, as well as the fact I have been out of endurance training for 3 years. The goal then is to hit the weight loss harder in January once I have had a nice, but not too crazy Christmas. If I restrict too much now by Christmas I could easily go completely off the wagon.

This said, my suggested calorie intake is higher than I have ever known when on a diet plan which is great for a foodie like me, but even so I am already struggling to hit it (I'm on day 3). I suppose I restrict too much when I hear the word 'diet'. 

I have however always had a problem losing weight. I really am one of those who can look at cake and put weight on. I have had numerous tests to look into why, but have to accept it just takes a while to come off or maybe, as I have just written about I have been doing it all completely wrong! Time will tell I suppose but I am excited. Excited to learn. Excited to train and excited with my goal for IRONMAN Wales next year. 

I feel in control again and that feels great!

See you soon x

Returning to where it all began

OK it has been a while since I sat down and blogged. In fact my last blog was on the 25th January 2017, seen in my previous blog 'The Road to Kona'. This detailed my journey to becoming an IRONMAN, which I did in 2013. My journey then took me around the world. I lived in another country (Lanzarote) and raced at The IRONMAN World Championship in Kona, Hawaii. My story (and some hard work writing from myself) then made me a published author with my book; 'Hollie's Road to Kona: A Young Woman's Ironman Mission'.

However, as many will know my story hasn't stemmed from happiness...

When I crossed the IRONMAN finish line in Tenby, Wales in just over 14 hours my euphoria was hit with tragedy. My niece and best friend Rosie had died in her sleep in the early hours of that morning in the Manor House I was sharing with all of my family. I was left completely unawares; my family deciding once they had discovered Rose, to keep it from me in order I could achieve my dream of completing. All the while my parents, who had just lost their first grandchild, had to spectate me knowing my heart would be broken when I finished. Almost like an impending doom.

And yes the doom was horrific. I lay in a bath for hours until I was shivering. But I made a promise that night whilst lying awake as I felt the world falling apart beneath me. A promise to go beyond what I ever saw possible and qualify for the IRONMAN World Championship in Rosie's memory. I did just that in 2014 when I returned to face all the emotions and demons from the previous year, in Tenby. A fitting place to qualify.

During the IRONMAN World Championship in 2015

I struggled with the normality of work after losing Rose, and then moved to Lanzarote (known for its triathlete haven, and similar terrain to Kona) in October 2014 to train full time ready for Kona. Whilst there I raced another IRONMAN and competed for GB at the Long Distance Championship in Sweden. It was also here I met my now husband, Nathan with whom we also have 2 beautiful twin boys; James and Harry, currently 18 months.

My baby boys

Our amazing wedding day

I struggle with Rosie's death daily. Some moments I get the same feeling when I was first told of her death by my mum, when physically exhausted by the car in Tenby. Where I broke down, dropped everything I was holding, and in such disbelief swore, fuck off. A moment I do not remember. The only quote to sum the whole experience is something I took from a grief book called 'On Grief and Grieving': (which I thoroughly recommend to anyone going through the loss of a loved one)

"Everyone experiences many losses throughout life, but the death of a loved one is an unmatched for its emptiness and profound sadness. Your world stops. You know the exact time your loved one died - or the exact moment you were told. It is marked in your mind. Your world takes on a slowness, a surrealness. It seems strange that the clocks in the world continue when your inner clock does not".

However, this is not the story I am telling and not the reason I began blogging again. Of course I will forever mention Rosie's name, she is my motivation and my core reason to keep going and I will miss her for the rest of my life. But I am here to get Hollie back. I want to do an IRONMAN again for me. To get fit again. To feel great about myself mentally and physically. Throughout all the stages of grief the only thing that ever made me feel better was my goal in IRONMAN, the overriding thing being that I strongly believe exercise is the best anti-depressant you can get. This is something I researched in my book, even talking to one of the top doctors with extensive research in the world on this topic.

So this is my comeback. My personal diary into having kids, letting yourself go and then struggling and juggling being a full time working mum while training for an IRONMAN. Oh and my comeback is IRONMAN Wales in 2019. I am facing the dragon and all the emotions that come with it for the 3rd time. I'm going back to where it all began.

I look forward to seeing you all for my next instalment :).

Love Hollie x